Very often kind colleagues, friends, and family members will send me a text or an email with a link to something they found interesting.

A news article, a Substack, a YouTube video, a book they enjoyed.

I love it when they reach out to share something wonderful they’ve found.

One of them, a close friend from college, will often share a short passage from a book he is reading, or will send me a lecture on mathematics, architecture, classics, or some other topic we both enjoy learning about.

And he does it right : he always sends me a short passage from the book, or he will say something like “this lecture connects to the topic we discussed on the phone last week, especially starting about ten minutes in.”

He’s a busy man, so when he takes those extra few seconds to tell me why he was interested in this book or video, his text or email comes as a double gift: he is giving me something he found, and he is giving me a little of his precious time as well.

That is pure gold.

When someone just sends me a link, with nothing to explain it, I read the URL and then delete the email.

“Huh,” I say. “I guess Jane liked something at that link.”

And now I know a tiny bit more about Jane.

But I know nothing about the link, because I never clicked on it.

If Jane didn’t have time to tell me why she liked it, it must not have been worth much to her.

I take that as a sign that it’s not worth much to me, either. There are a lot of URLs out there, and I can’t click them all.

So I look at the link, and then I delete the email.

Sometimes that feels a little rude, but just as my busy friend’s time is precious, so is mine.

After all, I have to go through a LOT of cybersecurity training each year, and my own university sends me phishing emails on a regular basis. If I were to fail one of those test emails, I’d have to repeat the training, and that means an hour or several hours of my precious time. It’s not worth it. So I don’t click links in emails without VERY good reason. Even if I hover over the bright blue hyperlink and see that the link looks clean, I rarely click it. If it matters a lot, I might search for what the link purports to show me. Otherwise, it goes into the trash.

So if you find something cool and want to share it with me, great! I’m so grateful that you thought of me! Now take some time to tell me why you thought of me. If you summarize what you found, you might find that you understand what you read or saw even better by summarizing it, and I get the advantage of reading something you wrote rather than something written by a stranger. What a gift!

Better still, don’t just summarize it, but tell me more about us. Why did it remind you of me? Was it that conversation we had about a similar subject while we were hiking together? Was it the thing you told me about that your daughter learned in school and that made you so proud? I’d love to hear about that, and to share your pride!

If you just have time to send me a PDF, or a screenshot, or a hyperlink, thanks! _I’m honored that you thought of me. _

Just bear in mind that the next time you see me at the coffeeshop, if you ask me “What did you think about that link I sent you?” I will likely reply with something like “Remind me why it mattered to you.”

If you don’t recall what you sent, or why you sent it, and can’t tell me in your own words, I hope you’ll forgive me if I also don’t remember.

Meanwhile, keep reading and learning, and when you find good things, keep sharing them with people who will benefit from them.

If at all possible, take the time to write your own short essay about what you learned, and why it mattered to you.

That will be a far greater gift, and even if you don’t think you’re a good writer, I assure you that your personal essay will be more welcome than the words of a stranger. If there’s something I need clarified, we can meet for coffee and have a conversation about it.

Wouldn’t that be good?